If you have experienced sexual misconduct in the church call our confidential toll-free number 1-800-523-8390 for support.

Is This Sexual Misconduct

Recognizing Harm

“I'm not sure what to call what just happened to me.” If you need help making sense of uncomfortable, unwanted, or abusive experiences, we are here to support you.

UM Sexual Ethics is a resource to help you put language to uncomfortable and inappropriate interactions and behaviors. Our purpose is to help you identify sexual misconduct and to know what steps can be taken depending on your given situation.

If you find that behaviors and situations described on this site reflect experiences you have had, please know, first and foremost, that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You are not alone, and SUPPORT IS AVAILABLE to work to make things right.

The United Methodist Church takes responsibility to ensure ministerial leaders act in ways that are ethical. Ministerial leaders hold roles that involve sacred trust, and sexual misconduct is a betrayal of that trust. The UMC has a process for holding ministerial leaders accountable when they are responsible for sexual misconduct. It is also possible to address harms caused by lay people (i.e., church members who do not serve in ministerial roles).

You may have experienced sexual misconduct if:

  • An incident with a ministerial leader makes you feel uncomfortable or confused
  • A ministerial leader, or any church member, makes gender-based comments that are demeaning, rooted in an imbalance of power or sexual in nature
  • You receive inappropriate personal gifts from a ministerial leader 
  • Your counseling session with a ministerial leader focuses on their needs and issues, especially details of their intimate relationships, or they pry for intimate details that you are not comfortable disclosing

  • A ministerial leader invites you out for intimate, social occasions

  • A ministerial leader, or any church member, touches you in a confusing, uncomfortable, unwelcome, or upsetting way

  • A ministerial leader sends you emails and/or direct messages with sexual overtures, or any church member uses church settings to make sexual advances
  • A ministerial leader uses a theological rationale for questionable conduct
  • A ministerial leader singles you out for extra “spiritual” attention (e.g., private “discipleship” sessions that happen late at night or in intimate settings outside the church) or tells you that you are the only one who truly understands them

  • A ministerial leader asks you to keep secrets, especially about their life or behavior

  • A ministerial leader implies or directly conveys that spiritual benefits are dependent on providing them physical affection or attention

  • A ministerial leader makes you feel like you would be going against God or the church if you disclosed their inappropriate behavior

Sometimes, behavior crosses a line that clearly violates church law or policy. 

Other times, misconduct starts subtly. Someone may test boundaries, little by little, and continue taking advantage of your confusion or even your kindness. You may feel uncomfortable for a time, then recognize the harm more fully once more significant boundaries are crossed. No matter what stage of misconduct you are experiencing, it is never wrong to set boundaries and SEEK SUPPORT.

If you believe you have experienced sexual misconduct:

  • Pay attention to and trust your feelings during and after the situation
  • Be safe and leave the situation
  • Remember you are not to blame
  • If you feel you have capacity and are safe to do so, be direct and tell them to stop the behavior
  • Document incidents by keeping and saving a record of dates, times, places, and witnesses of incidents
  • Save emails, letters, cards, voicemail messages, text messages, receipts, and notes
  • Share your feelings of hurt, betrayal, confusion, anxiety, or fear with someone you trust

  • Keep in mind that you are not the only person to whom this has happened

If you wish to report sexual misconduct by a person in ministerial leadership:

The UMC encourages you to FILE A COMPLAINT if you believe a sexual boundary is violated

Submit the complaint in writing, signed and dated, to your bishop or district superintendent

You may contact GCSRW’s confidential, toll-free number at 1-800-523-8390 for support

If you wish to report sexual misconduct by a person in ministerial leadership:

If you believe you have experienced sexual misconduct:

  • Pay attention to and trust your feelings during and after the situation
  • Be safe and leave the situation
  • Remember you are not to blame
  • If you feel you have capacity and are safe to do so, be direct and tell them to stop the behavior

  • A ministerial leader invites you out for intimate, social occasions

  • A ministerial leader, or any church member, touches you in a confusing, uncomfortable, unwelcome, or upsetting way

  • Document incidents by keeping and saving a record of dates, times, places, and witnesses of incidents
  • Save emails, letters, cards, voicemail messages, text messages, receipts, and notes
  • Share your feelings of hurt, betrayal, confusion, anxiety, or fear with someone you trust

  • Keep in mind that you are not the only person to whom this has happened

  • A ministerial leader implies or directly conveys that spiritual benefits are dependent on providing them physical affection or attention

  • A ministerial leader makes you feel like you would be going against God or the church if you disclosed their inappropriate behavior